Mirroring: When Someone You Barely Know Bothers You More Than They Should
Have you ever met someone and within seconds felt a wave of irritation you couldn’t quite place?
Maybe you told yourself it was their tone of voice, their overly confident way of talking, or the way they seemed to dominate the room. And maybe, being the self-aware, emotionally literate adult you are, you caught yourself mid-eye-roll thinking, Wait… why am I so triggered right now?
You just met them. They haven’t done anything to hurt you. And yet, your whole system is reacting as if they have.
So what’s really going on?
Let me offer a possibility: what if this person isn’t just annoying... what if they’re a mirror?
Not a Threat, A Reflection
When someone evokes a strong emotional reaction in us, particularly when it feels disproportionate or strangely personal, they may be reflecting back a part of ourselves we’ve disowned.
Maybe they remind you of the confident girl in high school who always made you feel invisible. Or maybe their boldness awakens the part of you that wants to take up space, but was taught it wasn’t safe or polite to do so. Whatever it is, the emotion isn’t just about them. It’s about you, too.
This Isn’t Projection
You might be thinking, Isn’t that just projection? Not quite.
Projection is when we unconsciously cast our internal experience onto someone else: I feel inadequate, so I assume you’re judging me. But mirroring is different. The other person isn't doing anything to you, but their very presence is activating something in you that was previously hidden, repressed, or unclaimed. Think of you needing a mirror to check your teeth after eating to make sure there’s nothing in between.
It's like your soul quietly tapping you on the shoulder, whispering: Here’s something you haven’t made peace with yet or haven’t seen yet.
The Mirror Shows Us Our Inner Cast of Characters
That jealous voice? It might not be your current, grown-up self, it could be your 9-year-old self who felt overshadowed by a sibling.
The fear you feel? Maybe it’s your teenage self who was humiliated by rejection.
The anger? It might be your inner toddler who learned early on that love was conditional.
Our personality forms as a protective shell, shielding these tender, vulnerable parts. But healing begins when we get curious instead of reactive, when we turn toward the mirror instead of away from it.
A Gentle Practice
The next time someone unexpectedly rattles you, pause. Before you spiral into judgment or pull away, ask yourself:
What is this person mirroring to me that I haven't fully accepted, owned, or healed in myself?
You don’t have to like them. This isn’t about forcing connection. It’s about inviting reflection, about seeing moments of discomfort as opportunities for inner reunion.
Because the parts of us that we push away don’t disappear, they just wait for someone else to walk into the room and stir them awake.
Let’s Practice Together.
This kind of inquiry takes courage. And it’s where true growth begins.